I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Terrible idea I love it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
