I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
