I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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