Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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