i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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