Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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