We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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