A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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