I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
