I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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