Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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