Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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