Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
