I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
