Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
