the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize