he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We talked him into tasing himself.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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