so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
