Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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