so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
