My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
