Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
