Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
