i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
