There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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