there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
