I smell stomach acid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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