I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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