i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
