It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
