I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
