Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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