Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
