If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
