omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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