I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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