your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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