I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
