I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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