nutella sex= disaster
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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