i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I believe in your delicious
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize