There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
