God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
