Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well you can't waste a boner
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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