Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
