haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize