If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We smell like vodka and hangover
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