Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
