Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize