I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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