Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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