My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
