If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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