Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
