I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
