Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
