Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
