So drunk its hurt
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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