I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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