Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize