New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
