i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize