awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If its not for food we ain't going out.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
