wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
