I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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