Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
