Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
