Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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