he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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