I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
