I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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