I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
