How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
