So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
