why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
